The holidays are here! Exciting stuff if you're
not a full time curmudgeon. This year nobody is getting shit from me. It's
not that I can't afford it, in fact I can probably better afford it now
than at any other time in my existence. No, the truth is nobody is getting
shit because everyone has disappointed me this year.
Twelve months of too few smiles and too many headaches
has your stockings coming up coal laden. Sure some nice things have happened
but they've been routinely followed by a breath obliterating sock to the
gut. Raising hopes strictly to dash them has been the mantra of all those
snivelling, conspiring ghouls which I seem to attract like locusts.
Looking over my New Year's resolutions from last year
I have had one success and the rest have been devastating failures. I quit
smoking, which in turn made my resolution to be nicer to others impossible.
It's amazing just how disappointing others can be when your not looking
through nicotine coloured goggles. Even my new found taste buds have done
nothing but disappoint. Everything, it seems, tastes like shit.
This year my resolutions all involve starting from scratch.
This shouldn't be difficult for someone who owns this computer and a mattress.
I could move across the country on a train and not have to give up any of
my life's luxuries. I'm also judge others with the same harshness that I
usually reserve for myself. Sure I'm a loser but so too are you. I'm purging
my life of disappointing people, heartbreaking sports teams, hollow sexual
encounters (this one may not be self inflicted) and polyester. It's been
eight months or so since I quit smoking so I can't use that as a crutch
and excuse for loathing anymore. It's time to cut ties with everyone and
everything and see what a clean slate brings.
I encourage all of you to give up on things you used to
love this year. Sure my life is a hollow vacuous capsule without cigarettes
but I've embraced this emptiness and I've allowed my cup of hatred to boil
over. And over all it feels great to sit and judge, arms crossed like a
giant disapproval genie knowing that nothing you do or say can make me smile.
And absolutely no action you undertake will result in a material token of
my gratitude. No this year you all disappointed me as much as I usually
disappoint you.
Screw You,
Derrick Ruston
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